The Unspoken Feeling that the Forever Seeking Balance Career Focused Woman Feels
I write from a personal place outing myself in the hopes that more women will begin to have real conversations about sacrifice. Our beautiful successes, desires for more in our careers and life, our journeys, the weight of the roles we carry…there exists something we feel…Guilt. Of things left undone on the task list, measuring our present with what we wish we’d accomplished by now or the yearning for more, wanting more as we walk and play with our hard fought (fertility is not easy to come by) children, calls not made, unmet household items or coordination of household details, the ungroomed dog that now looks savage like, and even having to be part of the conversation that starts with “you’re not spending enough time with______ (insert name)”.
I write this coming off the heels of the three day whirlwind intense speaking engagement. A topic that I am absolutely passionate about: autism. Something that I love doing: teaching other professionals. And in preparing for this trip, my to-do list continued to grow with other work and home responsibilities. While I don’t try to be superwoman, I do have those “Chaka Khan I’m Every Woman Moments” and I absolutely may succeed. But at the cost of Me. I’m left on the inside a disheveled emotionally exhausted person trying to muster the strength to coordinate everyone and unending list of things and projects needing attending. My husband is wonderful…but this is not about him nor the tremendous value he brings to my life and our home. This is completely about me and the guilt I feel by things left undone, dreams that I , may at different times, feel that I’m leaving on the table because I just don’t want to coordinate another things, deadlines not met because I didn’t communicate the truth of what I could really do, and my overthinking it all.
The truth is, I am growing into the place of newfound balance with more responsibility. I love it and it is a challenge. The goal is to do it without exhaustion…and anxiety.
Shouldn’t we all seek to do this? Live in the truth of “Yes I just did this amazing thing and boy am I tired, I have no voice, my daughter can pull her self up in a standing position (and I missed it), and my son asked for present from my trip and I was so busy that I brought home a fancy glass mini ketchup bottle (that I knew he would love…but guilt says I should do more)”.
While I was away, I had this talk with myself that went like this. “Accept yourself flaws and all. Life is too short to carry the negative health impact that guilt brings. Your daughter will need to see that there is complete freedom and your son will need to witness this freedom. So be it. Right NOW…and HAVE MORE FUN!”
And let me be honest, living guilt free does not happen overnight. It is a conscious undertaking as I press toward the mark in reaching my highest calling. IN this press and going upward, guilt is too heavy of a weight to carry. It is now an uninvited guest in this leg of the Landria journey.
I share this with you..because I see you. I see all of the posts about opening a new practice, travelling to consult, opening business, expanded territory and I know all that it takes to grow. I know all that you feel you sacrifice: your relationships, your sleep, your sanity, yourself.
My father is more emphatic about this more now than ever…life gives you no do-overs…enjoy it!
So get some sleep and rest…your upward climb requires your strength and agility.
Remove anything and anyone who robs you of peace and sanity…spread it to those who deserve it most.
Your new practice does not require your weekends and sleepless nights…enjoy your Saturday and cozy evenings…you not need grow a business resenting it from stealing your life’s pleasures.
I’ve learned this because I have lived and am living these wonderful lessons.
Guilt no more.
It’s about all about…
—Gratitude for the glass
—Gratitude that I can pour water into the glass myself.
—Gratitude that there is water.
—-Gratitude that there are others in my world who will pour the water for me with no strings attached.
—-Gratitude that I am growing and I will enjoy the drink in my glass and keep pouring from the never-ending pitcher.
——Gratitude for the ME that I am. For the NOW that is. And What IS TO COME.
New Level of Thriving!
~Landria Seals Green, MA., CCC-SLP, BCBA
Therapy Biz GURU
Chief Clinical Officer, Momentum Autism Therapy Services #michiganABA